Somebody emailed me the other day, asking if the reviews on this site are paid, since they’re pretty much all glowing endorsements. Well, that’s the thing: I generally like to pass along great products that I love and that I know other busy mamas are going to like. So, no. They’re not paid.

But I’m always interested in keeping balance in my life and on my blog. So with that in mind, I thought I’d post a review of a few items I’ve tried recently that have completely sucked. I’m not trying to disrespect, I just want to give my sisters in motherhood a heads up that this stuff isn’t worth throwing into your shopping basket.

First off: toilet paper. We use what I consider to be a ridiculous, almost absurd amount of toilet paper in this house. And it’s not because we have five children, either. It’s because my husband is a very fastidious, neat man, and he likes his booty to be clean as a whistle. I swear to you, the man uses at least half to three quarters of a roll of TP whenever he visits the bathroom for an extended period of time. It is INSANE to me. But hey, I appreciate the lack of skid marks in his chonies come laundry day.

And he is very particular about the brand of toilet paper in our household as well – it must be Charmin. And not the kind in the red package, the “extra strong” type or whatever that is. It has to be the blue package, which I believe is the “extra soft.” Apparently, his ass knows the difference. In the interest of saving a little money, I decided to try out the new Charmin Basic when it came out a few months ago. It’s Charmin’s cheaper, more substandard toilet paper, marketed as “Practical, Not Pricey.” Their motto should be, “You might as well have flushed your money down the toilet too.” This toilet paper is so thin, it looks like tracing paper. And it’s weird, too – the end of each roll is glued down, so as not to unravel. And good luck getting that glue to unstick! I dug at the roll with my nail, trying to get it started, but I ended up ripping it into streamer-like strips. Ridiculous. I wonder how many frustrated teenagers have bought this stuff at midnight, intent on tee-peeing their friends’ houses, and cursed it for not unsticking and unrolling. This product is completely substandard, and it makes me a little annoyed with Charmin! Don’t buy this. It’s actually not THAT much cheaper. You could buy the store brand for less, and probably be much happier with it.

Then we have another Basic product: Bounty Basic. Same thing here – it’s the Quicker Picker Upper’s low-rent, white trash brother-in-law. Their slogan: Great strength at a great price. Okay, I’ll give them that. These are strong. You can wash a window with them. They don’t fall apart. But good luck getting that mother hubbard to tear off the roll! The perforation between each paper towel is really just sort of an implied suggestion. Like, “this is where you would tear this paper towel if it were actually perforated.” At first, I thought I was just tearing them too fast. So I took my time, and tried to gently tear it apart right at the perforation. I tried this with probably five or six paper towels, just trying to prove a point to myself so I could write this post. They don’t tear! You cannot tear a sheet off the roll! It cannot be done.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand what marketing genius came up with these products. Do they think we value brand loyalty over quality? They market this stuff to those of us on a budget, who are trying to provide for our families without having to pay finance charges on our groceries. I think that’s what offends me a little bit – yeah, I’m not made of money. Does that mean I deserve this substandard crap? No! I LIKE Charmin and Bounty – and I’ll buy generic soup and cereal in order to buy nicer paper products. Don’t try to sell me garbage, all dressed up in a pretty package. It’s annoying!

Anyway. I didn’t mean to go off on a huge tangent there! I just wanted to say…pass on the Basic stuff. Don’t buy into the hype! If you’re really trying to find a better value, shop the store brands. Target and Wal-Mart both have store brands of paper products that are pretty decent for the price.

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